Transplanted Republican Majority Leader Boehner Displays Features for the First Time
by Dood Abides
Washington, DC (APE) - The congressman elected to be the newly transplanted face of the Republican Party upon the position of House Majority Leader was proudly displayed today at a press conference surrounded by spin doctors in charge of his care. Where there once was a gaping hole of controversy caused by the bribery scandal of former majority leader Tom delay, the Republican Party now has a new face.

Rep. John A. Boehner (R-Ohio), 56, spoke with a heavy slur and had trouble moving his lips at his first news conference since the surgical election last week. He said he was looking forward to resuming a normal life after being transplanted into the post.

"Since the day of my election, the Republican Party has a new face just like everyone else in regards to lobbying, bribes, and kickbacks, " Boehner said, reading from a prepared statement.

His spin doctors, who have been criticized for going ahead with a radical position transplant without trying a traditional obstruction first, defended their decision and stated that they repeatedly warned Boehner about the risks of continued association with lobbyists.

Boehner has been condemned for his interactions with K Street lobbyists in the past. Against the judgment of the spin doctors providing care, he appears determined to continue this lifestyle despite the risk to the viability of the facial transplant to the Republican Party. Bonner has stated that in his opinion it is a quality-of-life issue.

Boehner is also on record as a staunch pro-life defender, and is vowing to push through a series of initiatives to guard the rights of the politically undead, such as his predecessor, Tom Delay. Boehner however stated that while he respected the rights of Mr. Delay to continued political life, he would not be willing to reverse his own transplant for him.

The spin doctors are excited about the initial viability of their transplant procedure thus far, and stated openly that they are now looking into possible transplant procedures for White House advisers Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.

 
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