Randall Tobias nude photos released by D.C. Madame Deborah Jeane Palfrey

by Dominus Noster

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what is sure to be explosive enough to shake the foundation of the nation's capitol, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, known as the D.C. Madame, has revealed names and photographs of her clients to Unconfirmed Sources. The list reads like a who's who inside of Washington, D.C. The list of clients is so extensive, that it includes names of government bureaucrats and employees in every single government agency, and also almost every member of Congress. What has many inside of Washington alarmed was the disclosure by the D.C. Madame that all of her call girls were infected with HIV - the virus that causes AIDS. "My call girls all caught HIV from Randall Tobias," said D.C. Madame Deborah Jeane Palfrey. "He [Tobias] is patient zero." The U.S. Deputy Secretary of State, Randall Tobias, just resigned amidst the revelations that he was a client of the call girl service, and that he also now has AIDS. Randall Tobias is also a former U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator. The D.C. Madame released several nude photographs of Randall Tobias to Unconfirmed Sources. They are so disturbing that our editors had to censor them, and we felt that only one of them is suitable for publication. "There is no doubt that the photographs which were leaked to Unconfirmed Sources influenced Tobias' decision to resign," said one senior State Department official, speaking on condition of anonymity. In a candid interview with Unconfirmed Sources, Randall Tobias said, "Having been the U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator, I should have known better than to have spread my HIV infection around by having unprotected sex with call girls." "Not a single senior government employee or member of Congress is monogamous," according to the Centers for Disease Control's report: Trends in Sexual Risk Behaviors Among Members of Congress and Government Officials. (See: http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5138a2.htm) That, coupled with the fact that all of the call girls are infected with HIV, and that so many people in government have been clients, has caused concern about a possible AIDS pandemic within the government. "The best thing that can be done is for the entire government to be shut down, to keep government officials and members of Congress quarantined so they can't keep spreading this HIV around," said Johns Hopkins epidemiologist Dr. Will U. Scroomey.

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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

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