Unconfirmedsources.com

UCS Reporters

The Dood Abides

Dominus Noster

Ed E. Druckman

George W. Bush Appoints Charles Manson to Lead Office for Victims of Crime

by Kamal El-Din

Manson Unconfirmed sources report that The President will name convicted murder Charles Manson to head the government's Office for Victims of Crime. The appointment, yet another in a string of bold personale choices by the President, should have Manson installed in his new office in time for National Crime Victims' Rights Week, April 10-16, 2005.
"George W. Bush has done it again." Said respected right wing trouble maker Andrew Sullivan. "Just when you thought you have seen it all, the President pulls yet another rabbit out of his hat. I have to say that the Presidents recent appointments of Hughes, Bolton and Wolfowitz made me a little crazy, but the Manson choice makes everything clear to me. And no, I don't think the President is crazy for appointing people to run things they hate. I see now that the President is choosing people who have been on the other side of an issue to make it easier for the opposing sides to find the middle ground. Bold. Very bold."

"I have to say that Manson wasn't my first choice to run the Office for Victims of Crime." Admitted outgoing out-going director Frank Lee Looney. "I thought for a minute the President must be crazy, but now I understand. Who better really to empathize with a victim of a crime than a perpetrator. Manson should really be able to listen to a victim of crime and truly understand where that person is coming form. The President is brilliant for choosing Manson. I see it now.

Manson, who was serving a life sentence for grisly series of murders in 1969, will be pardoned by the President and released in time to be sworn in for National Crime Victims' Rights Week. Manson will have a very busy schedule for the week is packed full of special events to support the victims of crime.

Manson could not be reached for comment, he is in solitary confinement for stabbing a guard, but his lawyer released a statement from Manson in regards to his new Presidential appointment.

"Mr. and Mrs. America--you are wrong. I am not the King of the Jews nor am I a hippie cult leader. I am what you have made me and the mad dog devil killer fiend leper is a reflection of your society. . .Whatever the outcome of this madness that you call a fair trial or Christian justice, you can know this: In my mind's eye my thoughts light fires in your cities."

In other news the President has appointed Sister Souljah to head the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.

Rate This Item

I Liked It
I Did Not Like It

Print
19376 Views

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments

none wrote:

hes the most stooped person i have ever
knowen

_______________________________

none wrote:

hes the most stooped person i have ever
knowen

_______________________________

anonymous wrote:

Did you mean "stupid"? And did you mean Manson or Bush?

_______________________________

Julius wrote:

Very amazing-very interesting.

_______________________________

Marta Gonzalez wrote:

As a Republican (Lincoln would turn in his grave)I can honestly say that Mr. Manson has all the first hand knowledge and is highly qualified to under take such a position.

I hope all you lazy Democrat’s get out and vote,

P.S. I’m from Florida I’m sure we can mess up the works again.

_______________________________

haha wrote:

fuck off

_______________________________

wisedom wrote:

Im glad you admit to messing up the works. He may qualify. You have to be insane to run this joke of a country.

_______________________________

spitfire99 wrote:

“George Bush’s Bad Dream”
I was ridin down the line
in the old caboose
when I heard the word
Charles Manson was loose!

He’d headed straight for the White House
past the Security guards
made it past the dog
in the Presidents yard

Till he wormed his way
like a sneaky black cat
to the Oval Office
where the President sat
As the locks went click
George Bush gave a start
to stare in the eyes
of Charles Manson’s black heart
“It’s manu au manu
Just you and me”
Charlie said with a grin as George
started to pee

But to give Bush his credit
to give Bush his due
on Manson’s pale forehead
he CARVED a DOUBLE U!

While Charlie did manage
to rummage the desk
and stamp ‘666'
upon Georges chest

When the Secret Service
finally broke up the fight
they saw what to them
was a horrible sight

Both men were naked
in a compromised position
all Sodomized but,
Couldnt say whichun was whichun!

_______________________________

Unknown wrote:

that's kinda weird...

_______________________________

They call me K wrote:

why would you want to make him the head of the government's Office for Victims of Crime. When he is still not a model citizen himself! I mean come on he has the experiance but like the article said he stabbed a gaurd! That would be like handing him his victims

_______________________________

Abdullah76 wrote:

Thanks for the review. It’s very informative.

_______________________________

Brylee wrote:

search movies,news,drama,artist

_______________________________

Add Your Comments