UCS Reporters
The Dood Abides
Dominus Noster
Ed E. Druckman
Kamal El-Din
Gunther Schnitzel
Chuck Terzella
Walid
Nickfun

 

 

 
Large Hadron Collider Finds No Trace of Higgs Boson
 
by NickFun
 
Scientists working with the Large Hadron Collider have so far found nothing of value.
Red-faced scientists working with the $12 billion Large Hadron Collider (LHC) admitted today that they have found no evidence at all of the so-called mysterious Higgs Boson nor have they found anything the least bit remarkable.

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Pope Benedict XVI Achieves Orgasm
 
by NickFun
 
Pope Benedict announces his first orgasm to the news media.
(Vatican City, Vatican) Former Hitler Youth member Joseph Ratzinger, now better known as Pope Benedict XVI, proudly disclosed to the news media that he achieved his first orgasm last night after a late night swim with 26-year-old US Sister Mary McConnell.

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Twitter Crashes. People Forced To Actually Talk To Each Other!
 
by Ed E. Druckman
 
E-E-T: News For The Earth And Moon.(London-England) It happened this week, the unthinkable. Twitter, the popular micro-blogging site where users can post matters of interest in 140 characters or less, was shut down due to a denial of service plot hatched by a hacker against a Twitter user, Cyxymu, a pro-Georgian blogger. The attack was to mark the one-year anniversary of the Russia-Georgia conflict. However, its impact reached much farther when humans actually had to talk to each other.

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Obama Invites Middle Eastern Leaders to Beer Summit
 
by NickFun
 
Obama is certain this is the way to achieve peace in the world.
After the successful beer summit which helped heal race relations in the US, President Barack Obama has invited Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Israeli President Shimon Peres to a beer summit in Washington, DC this fall.

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Let him have it Rush! Why Rush Limbaugh Should Tell Michael J Fox To Go To Hell

Unconfirmed Sources news Briefs: December 28th, 2004

The Deadly B40 North Korea Has Nukes That Can Reach New York and Los Angeles

World Peace is Declared- George Bush Totally Pissed Off

Jacko Michael Jackson Celebrates Acquittal By Having Sleepover With Members of Jackson Juniors Fan Club.

 

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

 

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