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(New York--NY) The place, ESPN Zone Restaurant; the Man, Vince McMahon, who announced that his WWE will have a special pay per view Death Cage Match between Iraqi Insurgents and New Orleans Looters with a portion of the proceeds going to aid hurricane Katrina victims.
"I'm here today," McMahon said, "not as a promoter, but as a humanitarian and a patriot. What these looters have done is repugnant. What these insurgents have done is unamerican. Well…" McMahon then brought out Michael Buffer who finished the sentence in his characteristic clarion voice "…let's get ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmmble."
The match is scheduled to take place in six months. When asked by the press, shouldn't the event be held sooner due to the extreme circumstances? McMahon replied: "We could, if we wanted just any insurgent and looter, but we want the right insurgent and the right looter. And there's the matter of the venue. We want to use the Superdome because after the match we want to blow it up."
But McMahon, ever the reader of the public, was quick to add: "It will be classy. I'm not talking WWE SmackDown; plus, go to WWE.com, make a donation to hurricane relief, guess the time it takes to totally collapse, and the winner gets a lifetime supply of Wild Turkey. Drink bourbon until you fall off of your feet to get Bourbon Street back on its feet. Enjoy responsibly."
Stunned silence, however, quickly gave way to accusation and invective. "What will the insurgent get if he wins, a non-urine soaked Koran?" "Isn't this just taking a national crisis and reducing it to a tasteless TV spectacle?" McMahon responded with "it will be as tasteful as the burgers here at the ESPN Zone, a proud sponsor of this event."
McMahon also assured reporters that "every dime gets into the right pocket" he was appointing Evan Cohen as the Fund Coordinator. Cohen was previously head of Air America and raised $875,000 for the fledgling, left leaning station during its first year, all of it illegally. When this was pointed out to McMahon, he said: "Let's move on to steroid related questions?"
HELLO: If you like what you read and would like to read more of Ed E. Druckman, check out his new ebook. Or e-mail him at michael.192@gmail.com
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