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Britney Released From Hospital Following Successful Tom Cruise Intervention
by Dood Abides
Scientologist Tom Cruise addresses reporters outside of UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles


Los Angeles, CA (DMZ) - Britney Spears was discharged early this morning from the UCLA Medical Center, after an emergency admission last night. She left in a chauffeur driven limousine reportedly owned by the Church of Scientology, and was rumored to be heading to a treatment facility located somewhere in the desert Southwest. Actor and Scientology spokesperson Tom Cruise confirmed to reporters gathered outside of the hospital that he had personally performed an intervention with Ms. Spears last night at the request of friends.

"This this poor young woman has been tortured enough at the hands of psychiatric medicine," Cruise stated to reporters. "She has just taken the first step towards the only true mental wellness possible in this lifetime. After she has had time to work the program, I think you'll see a totally different Britney Spears."

Spears was escorted to the hospital by police last night at the insistence of her psychiatrist after rumored suicide threats. The Medical Center refused to comment on the circumstances surrounding spears admission and subsequent discharge. This is Spears' second such admission within the past month.

Britney Spears displays a copy of "Dianetics" to reporters from within her limousine

Spears' immediate family refused to comment for reporters in regards to the latest developments, but a spokesperson for the family stated that lawyers were busy with attempting to place all of Ms. Spears financial dealings under a temporary legal trust.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Riky wrote:
You should better goes on…You guys are really inspirational
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DoubleWide wrote:
Damn!

Wish he had let her finish off the job.

Mabey she'll jump into a volcano.
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L. Moore wrote:
Hysterical!
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CuriousSpy wrote:
Wow, almost believable. Scientologists actually do this all the time when requested by family members. If you ever find yourself in the psych ward and they are setting up the electro-convulsive-therapy or forcing you to take drugs you can get a hold of a Scientologist and they will get you out.
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Peter Schilte wrote:
CuriousSpy wrote:

Wow, almost believable. Scientologists actually do this all the time when requested by family members. If you ever find yourself in the psych ward and they are setting up the electro-convulsive-therapy or forcing you to take drugs you can get a hold of a Scientologist and they will get you out.

And then she will be brainwashed and indoctrinated to believe the same idiocy Cruise demonstrated in the videos. The CULT will make her pay millions and the CULT's own little Hitler can abuse her for promotional purposes. Cruise is an ignorant fool. My heart is with Britney. Cruise's with her bank account.
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Anon wrote:
lawyers were busy with attempting to place all of Ms. Spears financial dealings under a temporary legal trust.

It's called robbing, then they kill her
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Ray wrote:
Looks like Britney has Cruised ahead for some REAL help. I wish her luck but if she really is getting help through Scientology she doesn't need luck. It works people. And by the way, it's TRUE, if your rights have been stripped away and you've been held against your will in the cult of psychiatry CALL A SCIENTOLOGIST and you will be helped.
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Amanda wrote:
I have personally helped people off psyche drugs. I am a scientologist. I think that the fact that people care about other human beings is a foreign concept to some and it scares them.
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Anonymous wrote:
So Amanda, how many of those people you've "helped" off psyche drugs are bankrupt AND suicidal thanks to your "church"?
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Sam Shephard wrote:
Scientology can help Britney Spears in the same way they helped Jeremy Perkins; a 28 year old born into Scientology.

Scientology treated Jeremy's schizophrenia (he heard voices) with vitamins and "auditing" ... he stabbed his mother Elli 77 times with a kitchen knife.

Yeah - go Scientology.
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Patti Phearson wrote:
Scientology would help Britney Spears in the same way they helped Jeremy Perkins, Kirsten Vanderlinde and Falisha M. Madera.

All three had SCHIZOPHRENIA with powerful delusions and hearing voices - which Scientology treated with vitamins & "auditings" ...

Jeremy Perkins walked out of his shower, grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed his mother Elli 77 times.

Kirsten Vanderlinde killed her 7 month old daughter by repeatedly smashed her daughter's head on a North Buffalo sidewalk.

Falisha Madera listened to the voices in her head and stabbed her 9 year old daughter to death.

Yeah - Scientology, "the experts on the mind".
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