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Fitness and Nutrition Experts Don't Live Longer Than Anyone Else, According to Study

by NickFun

(University of California, Berkeley) A study of 358 dead fitness and nutrition experts reveal that they did not live any longer than people who knew nothing about fitness and nutrition. Most, in fact, died even younger. "We have been doing some groundbreaking research into the field of fitness and nutrition and discovered that exercise and eating healthy have nothing to do with living longer or healthier lives", said longevity expert Dr. Susan Donofrio as she munched on a Cadbury. According to the report, nutrition expert Cecile Edwards only made it to 78 before succumbing to respiratory failure. Dr. Robert Atkins, author of the Atkins diet, fell to his death on an icy sidewalk at age 72. Exercise physiologist Dr. Edmund Burke died of a heart attack while bicycling at the age of 53. Fitness expert and former President's Council on Physical Fitness Chairperson Glenn Vincent Swengros died of brain cancer at 67. Running and fitness expert Jim Fixx dropped dead of a heart attack at age 52. She also cited dozens of cases of marathon runners, weight lifters, pro wrestlers, athletes and herbalists who never made it out of their 40's. Dr. Donofrio also cited statistics of the world oldest humans and found most of them smoked, drank, ate fatty food and did little in the way of exercise. "The worlds oldest woman lived to be 122 and she smoked several cigarettes a day, ate 2 pounds of chocolate a week and enjoyed nothing more than sitting in her chair", she claimed. Donofrio believes there are other factors at work in longevity besides exercise and nutrition. "As one very old man told me, it's not what you eat. It's what's eating you!" she exclaimed.

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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

First, notice that there is no specific reference listed for this article, meaning it was likely not published, but instead represents personal opinion. Second, it omits people such as Jack La Lanne, who is still going strong at 94. In the cases mentioned, factors may be involved that have nothing to do with their level of expertise. For example, Jim Fixx had a genetic heart condition that could have been treated with drugs, which would have probably prevented his premature death. Same holds true for Ed Burke, who was overweight. Many of those labeled "experts" don't practice what they preach, which makes them just as susceptible to premature death as anyone else. As for those who live to advanced age and follow dangerous health practices, they are not comparable to other people. Anyone who lives past 100 has a genetic gift of more efficient cellular repair, so they can get away with bad health habits to a certain extent. Others who engage in these same negative health behaviors, but don't have the "genetic shield" will always succumb to the bad health habits, usually from cancer or cardiovascular disease. Thus, using those who live to advanced age but follow apparent bad health habits are not good examples to prove the alleged folly of following good exercise and nutrition principles, and is ridiculous. I can show countless examples of how the body degenerates when not exercised or exposed to bad nutrition practices. There is a name for those who espouse opinions stated in that article: they are called morons.