UCS Reporters
The Dood Abides
Dominus Noster
Ed E. Druckman
Kamal El-Din
Gunther Schnitzel
Chuck Terzella
Walid
Nickfun

 

 

 

Apple Inc. Stock Surges as Steve Jobs Gets Seasonal Flu Shot
by Walid
Apple Shares Beat Credit Crunch with Jobs Flu Shot(Cupertino : California) Ucs News-- Shares of Apple Incorporated rose 26% today when the California firm announced its CEO Steve Jobs received his seasonal flu shot from his family doctor. According to the firm's press release "Jobs is feeling just fine" and the appointment scheduled by his wife, Laurene Powell, is described as "routine".

The news of the seasonal flu shot sent Apple shares sharply higher as Wall Street is encouraged by Mr. Jobs taking an active step to avoid getting the flu. Morgan Stanley analyst Kathryn Huberty was "thrilled to see Steve taking these precautions and hopes that Steve will get his kids flu shots also."

RBC Capital analyst Mike Abramsky cheered the Apple CEO's decision to get a seasonal flu shot, "Its just good health practice, with kids around it's very smart." Abramsky also recommended that Jobs increase his daily cardio routine, "I would like to see Steve add a few extra miles a week to his jogging, that would surely boost Apple shares."

Steven Paul Jobs (born February 24, 1955) is the co-founder, Chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc and former CEO of Pixar Animation Studios.
In the late 1970s, Jobs, with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, created one of the first commercially successful personal computers. In the early 1980s, Jobs was among the first to see the commercial potential of the mouse-driven GUI (Graphical User Interface).[7] After losing a power struggle with the board of directors in 1985, Jobs resigned from Apple and founded NeXT, a computer platform development company specializing in the higher education and business markets. NeXT's subsequent 1997 buyout by Apple Inc. brought Jobs back to the company he co-founded, and he has served as its CEO since then. Steve Jobs was listed as Fortune Magazine's Most Powerful Businessman of 2007.

 
Rate This Item
 
I Liked It
 
Print
2069 Views
 
Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Add Your Comments



Comments must be approved before being published.

 

In case You Missed Them...

Britney Spears Calls for Violent Revolution in Ukraine

Unconfirmed Sources becomes UCS Bank Unconfirmed Sources wins bailout money

Black Pixel Shortage Threatens Internet!

 

Recently in the News