UCS Reporters
The Dood Abides
Dominus Noster
Ed E. Druckman
Kamal El-Din
Gunther Schnitzel
Chuck Terzella
Walid
Nickfun

 

 

 

Governor Paterson Still Plans to Run Despite Everyone Hating Him
by NickFun
Gov Paterson always looks like he hasn't shaven for 3-5 days.
Perpetually unshaven New York Governor David Paterson fiercely proclaimed today that he was still going to run for a full four year term as governor in 2010 despite the objections of President Obama, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, all democratic members of congress, his wife, his children and 98% of the voters in New York.

"This isn't about the people of New York or the opinions of others", Paterson declared. "It's about ego!"

Paterson claims that he is still better than everyone else despite his poor performance record as governor. He claims that every decision he makes is correct even though it has led to the downfall of New York and caused untold suffering.

"If I had made different decisions they would have made things even worse", Paterson believes.

Paterson, who is famous for his racial rants, blames his current poor showing in the polls on "white, mayonnaise faced honkeys who feet threatened by black men".

Sources claim that if Paterson wakes up and drops out of the race it will open up opportunities for more likely and preferable candidates such as Mario Cuomo and Rudy Guiliani.

At least one New Yorker supported Paterson. Gang member Pierre "Crucifix" Jones said, "I sure as hell ain't voting for no white ass Guinea!"

 
Rate This Item
 
I Liked It
 
Print
1225 Views
 
Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Add Your Comments



Comments must be approved before being published.

 

In case You Missed Them...

My new Mommy! Why Madonna Should Adopt Me

Letter to the editor from President George W. Bush Letters to the Editor

Oh Denny Boy

 

Recently in the News