Zell Miller Opens Republican Anger Management Counseling Center!
by Kamal El-Din
Unconfirmed sources report that the infamous Zell Miller has opened the Zell Miller Center for Republican Anger Management. The center located in Miller's home district will help people deal with feelings of intense anger at, and loathing of Democrats. Miller, who was recently diagnosed with an intense anger condition, will be the honorary president of the center and a client. The center is dedicated to the teaching and distribution of Zell Miller's 'Mad as Zell' Directed Anger program.

Pat Robertson, a close personal friend of Miller's, spoke at the centers dedication. "I'm proud of Zell Miller. Zell is a man of great character and rectitude. There are not many men who can look inside their hearts, see the anger and vileness there, and put these feelings to good use. I, like Zell, have see my true heart. I've seen the evil nature of my own soul and like Zell did the only thing I could to channel that inner hate. I too became Republican activist."

The center has already lined up an impressive list of guest speakers and program facilitators. Many right wing personalities have agreed to come an help Republicans get in touch with there inner 'Zelleves.' The list of participants includes Tom Delay, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Dick Cheney and Alan Keyes. There will also a aspecial month long intensive session with noted hatred expert Bill O'Reily.

In the 'Mad as Zell' program Republicans are taught how to find and channel their inner Democrat hater, or as they say in the program to find their innner 'Zellelf.' Once a person learns to tap the strength of the 'Zellelf' they learn the basics of political activism and demagoguery. Program graduates are then asked to volunteer with the RNC or with their local Republican party.

Republicans from across the nation are flocking to the center to get in touch with there inner fear mongering, hating selves. Martha Higgins, from El Paso Texas, came to the center and is among it first graduates. "I knew I had a problem with my hatred of Democrats so when I heard about the program I jumped at the chance. Before I did the 'Mad as Zell' program I didn't like the Democrats and I didn't know why. Now, I have true clarity of thought. I hate all Democrats for everything they stand for and would like to gas them all."

Ed Gillespie, RNC Chairmen has called the 'Zellelf' the 'shock troops' and the 'future' of the Republican party. "Who needs a boat load of moderates when you have the 'Zellelf' on your side. I've seen the future of the Republican Party and the future is angry."

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

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