New Scientific Data Proves Intelligent Design
by Walid
Unconfirmed sources from inside the Discovery Institute report that a definitive scientific report proving intelligent design is ready to be released. For months rumors have been spreading through the scientific community. Security has been very tight, so tight that no advanced copies of the report have been submitted for peer review.

The Discovery Institute has been critical of Darwin's Theory of Evolution and have long promised scientific studies and data to prove Darwin was wrong. Proponent of the Theory of Intelligent Design have long relied on faith alone, but are now feeling it's time to use science to unseat Darwin from his place in Science.

William Buckingham a member of the Dover Pennsylvania school board and supporter of Intelligent Design has been eagerly awaiting the reports publication. "It's been a huge fight here in Dover and we think it's time the critics of Intelligent Design were silenced once and for all." The people of Dover however are not waiting for the report. In recent elections the pro intelligent design members of the school board were reelected in a landslide.

A spokesman for the Discovery Institute confirmed the report is to be released soon but would not comment of the contents of the study. "It's going to be a huge step forward for the Discovery Institute and for the scientific method." He did say that extensive lab testing has been done and millions of dollars have been spent preparing the text of the study.

Scientists close to the Discovery Institute applaud the Institutes turn to actual science. Professor Bill Dennis of Washington State University has recently visited the Discovery Institute labs in Seattle. "The Labs are state of the art. It is a unique facility, I have never seen a lab with a 60 foot ceiling, pews, crucifix and an alter." The Professor's description of the lab is consistent with fact that the Institute converted it's Chapel of Saint. Edwin into a "Research" lab. The professor also noted the lab manual looked a bit like the New Testament.

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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments

Orange wrote:
You can't prove that. It is unprovable. There are three kinds of theories. Ones you can prove right now (gravity exists), ones that are provable if you only had the right equipment/time (such as there are other planets we could live on), or there are the ones that by their very definition cannot be proved such as there is a god outside of the space/time continuum who made this world. It's like saying that there's an invisible rabbit in my room that I can't touch or feel in any way and which can pass through matter. You can't disprove me. I can't prove it either though. It's moot. So please stop trying to prove something that can't be done. Evolution is a Scientific Theory. That means that it has been proven more than adequately to take as fact. This is why I hate fundamental religions. It's because they brain-wash you when you're too young to realize it and then you go through your life thinking that just because a book says it's true, it's true.

Kevin wrote:
Um. I recently visited the Garden of Eden in my time machine and I can assure you it was very real. Tried to chat up Eve (very hot) but the language barrier (she spoke Spanish) was an obstacle. My one liners don't tend to translate into the romance languages (_itch and _uck sound so rough). I gave them some fashion advice for the post in-God's-favor period and was on my way. I would have stayed longer but I'm going to be wrestling Ted Haggart for the genitalia of the Chocolate Jesus this Easter Sunday in Trinidad Colorado. I just want to see the baby Jesus cry. You can check out my video blog at my link.

Kevin wrote:
Apparently they don't post the link.

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