 (Washington, D.C.) The speculation of who will be South Park's new Chef when the series launches its new season Wednesday ended when at his Tuesday press conference President Bush revealed that it was him. "I cannot tell a lie. It is I...butt munch." Rumors of Vice President Dick Cheney attempting to stop Bush's decision by inviting him on a quail-hunting trip have yet to be confirmed.
The Comedy Central show kicks off its tenth season with an episode titled "The Return of Chef!" Long time Chef, Isaac Hayes, abruptly left the show after creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker penned an episode poking fun at The "Church" of Scientology of which Hayes is a "member." The episode involves the foul-mouthed foursome of perennial pre-pubescence noticing that there's something different about Chef to which Bush commented, "different, because I'm white and The President. Get it?"
Creators Stone and Parker couldn't believe their good fortune when they received the call from Bush. "This voice on the other said, 'I hear you need a Chef. I make a mean western omelet, and it doesn't taste like ass,'" Stone remembered. After the call was confirmed to be from The Oval Office, Parker said, "We knew we were on the luckiest show ever and in country run by an administration whose leader…. has…has… a great sense of humor. Stone and Parker confirmed that the President agreed not to be paid as long as "we assured him that there were no I. E.Ds, insurgents or Muslims in the plot lines."
At Tuesday's press conference reporters asked President Bush that with most Americans believing the war in Iraq is, at best, a stalemate, should he be spending his time voicing a TV show? Bush replied with his signature directness and wit. "First, it's not a TV show. It's South Park…Dude. Second, folks who say that just don't have the facts. I read my lines into my computer and that bad boy converts them to MP3 files and off they go to South Park. I can voice three episodes and extend a battalion's tour of duty all before lunch."
If you want to reach Ed E., e-mail michael.192@gmail.com
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