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Idaho Senator Larry Craig to Enter Sexual Rehab
by Dood Abides
Idaho Senator Larry Craig in a senate washroom during happier times.


Washington, DC (Rotters) - A spokesperson for the offices of Idaho Senator Larry Craig late tonight announced that the senator would be resigning his position in the Mitt Romney presidential campaign and would be checking into a controversial sexual rehab clinic located in Florida. This announcement came after it was revealed earlier today that the senator had pled guilty to a disorderly conduct charge after being arrested in a men's bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul international Airport.

Craig staffers had earlier insisted that the senator had simply pled guilty for the sake of expediency, when in reality he had committed no offense.

A Police statement indicated that Craig had been peeking through the door of a stall occupied by an undercover policeman in a bathroom well known for illegal public sexual conduct. The statement further alleged that Craig went into the adjacent stall and attempted to nudge the foot of the undercover policeman and eventually reached under the stall with his hand.

Craig earlier in the day had explained away the apparent inappropriate contact by insisting that he had "a wide stance", and that the contact was inadvertent. He also stated that he indeed had reached under the stall but was simply attempting to retrieve a piece of paper that he had dropped.

Late this evening police authorities confirmed that Craig had indeed appeared to be passing a piece of paper underneath the stall and that this was taken into evidence. The paper is reportedly a series of pictures of a partially nude Vladimir Putin on a fishing trip in Russia.

"The senator now recognizes that he has a problem," stated a Craig staffer, "and for the sake of his wife and his family he has elected to enter a treatment program for his affliction."

The new program called simply, "Promises, Promises" is based in Fort Lauderdale Florida and attempts to treat latent homosexuality through sensory flooding techniques. Former Florida Representative Mark Foley has stepped forward and agreed to be Craig's sponsor throughout the program and upon discharge.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Dominus Noster wrote:
My God. I forgot to mention that was exactly why I applied to be Larry Craig's intern. I got passed up because I wasn't as good looking as the guy who got the job.
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Steve wrote:
You can rely on the Party of Jesus for homophobic hypocrisy and hatred 24 by 7.
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scott wrote:
Give him a break, at least he appears in 'pubelic' with his own hair. Look at the other Senators rugs.
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The guy in the stall next to YOU wrote:
I don't know how many time I have used an Airport bathroom only to end up with a man's penis in my anus, totally because of some accidental misunderstanding. I just like to rub toes with the dude in the stall next to me while I'm poopin', and apparently all those gays think it's secrent code. Why can't a man with his pants down touch another stranger with his pant down in a public bathroom and not have it mean that you want gay sex? SHEESH, I place the blame clearly on Bill Clinton.
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Stevie James wrote:
The Man Who Tapped His Foot

http://free.hostultra.com/~...

Life mimics art.
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Dominus Noster wrote:
To the guy in the stall next to ME:

I so agree. Often times, that wide stance triggers a chain of undesired and inexplicable events in the men's bathroom. Something about the sweet aroma of a shit that arouses the lusts of the guy in the stall next to me.

It is a well-kept secret that shit is an aphrodisiac. As your hands unpurposefully and innocently end up on the lap of the guy in the next stall, a lot of people tend to misinterpret this as a sexual advance in their own twisted state of unbridled lust.

Shit happens, and then more shit happens.
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KYJurisDoctor wrote:
Republican Repulsive Family Values Hypocrisy!

http://osi-speaks.blogspot....
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adam wrote:
I really dont think that hes gay i mean it just doesnt seem like you know hes gay cause i can mostly tell when people are gay and i dont think he is
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Tootles wrote:
He submitted right away! He coulda denied it so easily. He coulda said he was trying to get the guy in the stall next to him, to give him toilet paper cause his roll was empty!
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Vicki wrote:
er, you guys do realise that the composite image is from australia's parliament and that is our Prime Minister, John Howard doing the deed. and there we all thought he was just sucking off Bush.
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