My real name is Jeff Vachon. Don't bother looking me up. I only have a cell phone and that's unlisted. But email me if you'd like to spout off! My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. It really is! send me an email if you don't believe me! I may get back to you within a week. Or a month. Or a year. Or at least within this lifetime. Or the next one.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio Denied Racial Profiling 2012-06-08 Obama Admits; Private Sector Sucks 2012-06-05 Michigan Man Unimpressed By Venus Transit of the Sun 2012-05-10 Mitt Romney Admits to Masturbating 2012-04-08 The 99% Cheer as 50% of the 1% to be Tried for Tax Evasion 2012-02-18 Cure For Tooth Decay Found 2012-01-04 Researchers Find Link Between Obesity; Calories 2011-12-28 Facebook Offers Solution to Privacy Concerns 2011-12-18 Barefoot Bandit Secretly Inks $5 Million Movie Deal 2011-12-04 God Apologizes To Herman Cain 2011-11-09 University of Texas Offers George W. Bush $1000 for Speech 2011-11-06 Herman Cain Defends Harassment Claims 2011-11-02 Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange Charged With Failure To Use Condom; Being Lousy Lover 2011-10-19 Children Are Not Medicated Enough, FDA Panel Concludes 2011-10-15 Wall Street Relents to Protesters Demands; Will No Longer Make Profits 2011-09-14 Cure for all known viruses found; Human Testing to Begin in 10 Years 2011-08-27 Media trying Desperately to Avoid Ron Paul 2011-08-22 Aliens Plan Takeover of Planet Earth 2011-08-20 Germans Order Removal of Facebook "Like" Button 2011-08-18 MLB Bans Meat and Fish As Performance Enhancing Supplements 2011-08-11 Macy's Department Stores Admit They Watch Customers Undress 2011-08-10 Alaska Orange Goo May Be Eggs of Extraterrestrials 2011-08-07 US Government Seeks to Shut Down SandP; Replace With Homeland Economy 2011-08-05 California Legalizes Medicinal Sex; Expects $Billions In New Taxes 2011-08-05 New Anti-Aging Cream Is Pure Bull Shit 2011-08-01 Casey Anthony Agrees to Pose Nude for Hustler Magazine 2011-07-30 Debt Ceiling Plan Not Approved; Banks Foreclose on US 2011-07-27 Casey Anthony Fights For Murderers Rights 2011-07-23 Federal Government Creates GOD To Watch Citizens 2011-07-21 New Law Makes Looking Like Kim Kardashian Illegal 2011-07-19 White House: Killing People Is Our Number One Priority 2011-07-17 Casey Anthony Current Location Revealed 2011-07-14 Wall Street Journal, New York Post, Fox Broadcasting and All Other Rupert Murdoch Companies To Close 2011-07-12 Obama and Congress Agree To Raise Debt Ceiling to $120 Trillion 2011-07-10 Michele Bachmann Insists Being Gay Is A Choice 2011-07-09 Michelle Bachmann Vows To Eliminate Porn; Nude Women 2011-07-05 Casey Anthony To Be Tried For Parking Violation 2011-07-03 Exxon Downplays Yellowstone River Oil Spill 2011-06-28 Microsoft Patents New Skype Technology To watch You Masturbate 2011-06-26 God Clarifies What He Told Republican Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann 2011-06-24 Feds Waited Until Whitey Bulger Had Alzheimer's Before Making Arrest, According to Sources 2011-06-20 Actor/Satire Writer Jeff Vachon Needs Money 2011-06-19 Hackers Steal All Money From All Banks 2011-06-18 Scientists Claim Comet Hartley 2 Is Alive! 2011-06-16 God Punishing Humanity For Premarital Sex and Masturbating Through Tornadoes, Fires, Floods and Earthquakes 2011-06-11 Alabama Tones Down Immigration Law 2011-06-10 Psychologist Explains Why Congressmen Show Their Penises 2011-06-08 Liberty County Texas Courts Rule Psychic Visions Reasonable For Search and Seizure 2011-06-07 Sarah Palin Insists Booth Did Not Kill Lincoln; Implicates CIA Conspiracy 2011-06-05 Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Call It Quits 2011-06-02 Mitt Romney Accused Of Using Performance Enhancing Hair Products 2011-06-01 Congressman Anthony Weiner Claims Penis Picture Is Not His; Offers Proof 2011-05-28 Statue of Liberty To Be Demolished For Shopping Mall 2011-05-18 Supreme Court Nullifies Fourth Amendment 2010-11-08 Obama Promises He Will Outsource More Jobs to India 2010-11-06 Keith Olbermann Violated MSNBC Anti-Free-Speech Policy, According to Phil Griffin 2010-11-01 Warren Redlich Elected New York Governor 2010-10-31 New Smartphones Eliminate Need For Brain 2010-10-31 For The Record; Satire Writer Posts Corrections 2010-10-26 Most Americans Agree With Juan Williams 2010-10-23 UFOs over Denver, CO Spark Ballot Initiative 2010-10-17 Christine O'Donnell Hospitalized After Achieving Orgasm 2010-10-13 UFO Lands in New York City; Shops 2010-10-09 Meg Whitman Not a Whore, According to Sources 2010-10-04 United States Military Announces "Sexy" New Weapon 2010-09-28 Newly Announced North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un Is A Total Dumbass, According to Sources 2010-09-18 Christine O'Donnell Admits to Masturbating 2010-09-14 Former Craigslist Johns Finding It Difficult To Find Prostitutes 2010-09-11 Officials Unable to Explain San Bruno Explosion 2010-09-03 Study Reveals; All Politicians Are Corrupt 2010-08-23 City Water for Port Hueneme, CA Now More Expensive Than Bottled Water 2010-08-17 Pop Star Justin Bieber Plans Comeback World Tour for 2035 2010-08-13 Jury Unanimously Agrees Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich Is An Idiot 2010-08-03 Brooks Institute Closes Its Doors 2010-08-02 Study Reveals, Most News Stories are Fraudulent 2010-07-26 General Stanley McChrystal Admits Selling Secrets to Wikileaks 2010-07-20 U.S. Government Employees Selling Classified Information for Cash 2010-07-15 Spirit Airline to Charge for Oxygen 2010-07-13 Mel Gibson Attacks More Ethnic Groups 2010-07-03 Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagen Admits to Masturbating 2010-07-01 Members of CIA, FBI, NSA, Pentagon and Homeland Security Admit Sleeping With Russian Spy Anna Chapman 2010-06-29 After Arrest of Russian Spies, State Department Reveals; Russians Now Know Everything 2010-06-26 Provincetown, MA Schoolchildren Angry After Being Denied Condoms 2010-06-25 Gore Admits He Had Erection During Massage 2010-06-11 Massive Earthquake to Strike Southern California in Ten Minutes 2010-06-10 Rush Limbaugh To Sing at Elton John's Wedding 2010-06-06 Career Education Corporation Blames Brooks Institute President Roger Andersen For Economy 2010-06-05 BP Assures Public: Oil Well Will Be Sealed By 2015 2010-05-22 Meg Whitman Unable to Achieve Orgasm 2010-05-17 Brooks Institute Resorts to Torture to Increase Enrollments 2010-04-27 Obama Seeks to Encourage Mexican Slavery 2010-04-24 Pope Benedict XVI Refuses to Resign Citing 'I Love This Job' 2010-04-18 Warren Redlich In No-Sex Scandal 2010-04-14 Sarah Palin To Host Nature Show 2010-04-07 Racing Legend Speed Racer Dead at 58 2010-03-31 Bill Seeks to Prevent Truck Drivers From Receiving or Administering Oral Sex 2010-03-27 Texas Governor Rick Perry Legalizes Murder 2010-03-22 Sarah Palin Seeks To Make Lots of Money 2010-03-19 New Sex Toy Attracts Investors Warren Buffett and Oprah 2010-03-13 Mississippi Offers Compromise to Same Sex Prom Girls 2010-03-08 U.S. Government Behind Toyota Sudden Acceleration Problem, According to NHTSA Official 2010-03-05 Peeping Tom Victim Blake Robbins To Become Spokesperson For Mike and Ike Candy 2010-02-28 Toyota Blames Gremlins For Sudden Acceleration Issues 2010-02-25 NY Gubernatorial Candidate Warren Redlich Wants to Starve Public Sector Employees 2010-02-20 Lower Merion, PA School Using Computers to Watch Kids Undress, Shower, Etc. 2010-02-16 Southwest Airlines Insists Two Thin People Share Single Seat 2010-02-09 Tiger Woods No Longer Wants Sex 2010-02-08 Tiger Woods Still Wants Sex 2010-02-04 "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Rescinded. Gays Coming Out of Closets 2010-01-31 Farmville Man Can't Handle YoVille 2010-01-23 Brooks Institute To Offer Certificate in Pornography 2010-01-19 Guilderland, NY Board Member Warren Redlich Losing His Hair 2010-01-18 New York Press Trying to Ignore Libertarian Warren Redlich 2009-12-31 Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano Unable to Achieve Orgasm; Nation's Security at Stake 2009-12-28 Connection Between Oil Drilling and Global Climate Change Discovered 2009-12-20 Santa Claus Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy 2009-12-17 Osama bin Laden Crashes White House Party 2009-12-13 Tiger Woods Enters Treatment for Sex Addiction 2009-12-12 Nobel Committee Asks Barack Obama to Return Peace Prize 2009-12-07 South Dakota Man Couldn't Care Less About Tiger Woods 2009-11-29 Large Hadron Collider Finds No Trace of Higgs Boson 2009-11-29 Tiger Woods and Wife in Possible Auto Insurance Scam? 2009-11-22 CIA Admits to Drug Trafficking 2009-11-14 In Addition to Water, NASA LCROSS Mission Finds Gold on Moon 2009-10-31 Senator Joe Lieberman Vows to End Poverty 2009-10-26 Obama Plays Basketball Against Women; Wins 118 - 2 2009-10-22 Obama Signs Hate Crimes Bill 2009-10-09 U.S. Government to Honor UFO Computer Hacker Gary McKinnon 2009-10-09 Obama Wins Nobel Prize for Killing No More Than Bush 2009-10-08 Sarah Palin Shocked As Levi Johnston Plans to Expose His Penis 2009-10-07 Hybrid Vehicles Get a Free Ride 2009-10-03 David Letterman Admits To Enjoying Sex With Women 2009-09-23 UFO Disguised as C-130 Transport Plane Attempts Two Landing at North Carolina Airport 2009-09-20 Governor Paterson Still Plans to Run Despite Everyone Hating Him 2009-09-19 Megan Fox Plans to Marry By End of April 2009-09-17 Maybe Health Care Should Be About Compassion 2009-09-16 Recession is Over According to Upbeat Government Analysis 2009-09-14 Pope Benedict XVI Achieves Orgasm 2009-09-11 Peeping Tom Expresses Concern for Erin Andrews 2009-09-05 RIAA Bans Beatles Songs for Pedophile References 2009-09-01 Scientists Warn of Dangers of Solar Energy 2009-08-31 Afghan War Winnable If Enough People Die Says General Stanley McChrystal 2009-08-28 UFOs cancel plans to attack Earth Thanks to Global Climate Change 2009-08-17 People Searching Google for Nude Video of Erin Andrews 2009-08-17 Al Franken Resigns Senate Seat 2009-08-12 Supreme Court Declares First Amendment Unconstitutional 2009-08-11 Google's Caffeine Enhanced Search Engine much faster than Regular Google 2009-08-10 NASA's Kepler Space Telescope Discovers Earth-Like Planet 2009-08-06 Gays Turning Straight Thanks to Therapy 2009-08-04 Obama Invites Middle Eastern Leaders to Beer Summit 2009-07-28 Thanks to Michael Phelps, All Swimmers to be Required to Swim Nude 2009-07-25 Cambridge, MA Police Not Racist; Just Pricks 2009-07-20 California Resorts to Dope Dealing to Solve Fiscal Crisis 2009-07-17 NASA Admits Apollo Moon Landings Were a Hoax 2009-07-13 Religious Leaders Agree: Former Vice President Dick Cheney is Going to Hell 2009-07-10 Al Franken Gains Senate Seat; Loses Sense of Humor 2009-07-03 Sarah Palin Resigns as Alaska Governor to Become Stay At Home Mom 2009-06-29 TV Pitchman Billy Mays Died His Hair, According to Autopsy Results 2009-06-26 South Carolina Man Couldn't Care Less About Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett or Mark Sanford 2009-06-23 South Carolina Governor Denies Going On Bender 2009-06-19 Apple iPhone 3G S Adds Vibrator Option 2009-06-15 User Reports Bing Better Than Google 2009-06-07 How Does the US Government define a "Small Business"? 2009-05-30 Sock, Dryer Manufacturers Reach Agreement 2009-05-25 Provincetown, MA Judge Bans Private Nudity 2009-05-21 Obama Optimistic Economy Will Turn Around by 2109 2009-05-01 Ann Coulter to Have Adam's Apple Removed 2009-05-01 Biden Urges Everyone To Stay Home and Lock The Doors 2009-04-26 Major Newspapers Changing to All-Satire Format 2009-04-21 The Secret to Getting Government Contracts is Being Disadvantaged Small Business/Woman Owner/Disabled Veteran/Minority 2009-04-19 Get Rich Quick With Government Contracts! 2009-04-16 California Legislature Makes Discrimination Mandatory 2009-04-11 CIA Seeking Intelligent, Sexy Women 2009-04-05 Obama Fires WalMart Employee 2009-03-28 Catholic Church to Allow Sex Toys 2009-03-10 Los Angeles Man Gets New Job 2009-03-05 California Supreme Court Offers Compromise Solution to Same Sex Marriage Ban 2009-02-27 California Governor Urges Men to Pee Outside 2009-02-24 California to Legalize Marijuana 2009-02-19 Salvia Divinorum to Remain Legal 2009-02-11 Michelle Obama to Pose Nude for Playboy 2009-02-04 Paris Hilton Agrees to Spend More to Save America 2009-02-04 President Obama's Bong is Missing 2009-02-02 Michael Phelps Spotted Taking Painkillers and Performance Enhancing Substances 2009-02-02 Obama proposes New Breath Tax 2009-01-28 Obama in Secret $30 Million Deal With Blackberry 2009-01-26 Woman Arrested in Plot to Seduce Obama 2009-01-21 Obama to Eliminate Abstinence Only Education 2009-01-19 NASA Discovers Belching and Farting Life on Mars; Elsewhere 2009-01-16 Fewer Men Fantasizing About Angelina Jolie 2009-01-13 Satire Writer Seeks to Make Money 2009-01-12 U.S. Military Develops Environmentally Friendly Green Bomb 2009-01-09 Obama Will Give Each American $1 Million 2009-01-05 Whatever Happened to the Firm Handshake? 2009-01-04 Airline Pilot Has Never Seen A UFO 2009-01-03 Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps Dangerously Out Of Shape, Say Doctors 2009-01-01 Bristol Palin Gives Birth to Baby Jesus 2008-12-28 Facebook Bans Nipples and Areolas 2008-12-24 U.S. Air Force Shoots Down Santa's Sleigh 2008-12-23 Paris Hilton Appointed Secretary of the Exterior by Obama 2008-12-21 U.S. President George W. Bush to be Tried on 1.2 Million Counts of Murder 2008-12-20 Bush's War on Drugs Ends With Success 2008-12-18 Iraqi Journalist Pretends to Apologize for Throwing Shoes at Bush 2008-12-16 Microsoft Admits Internet Explorer Browser is a Piece of "Crap" 2008-12-15 Nike and other shoe companies Introduce New Easy-To-Throw Footwear 2008-12-13 Bush Plans Military Assault on Enceladus 2008-12-12 Obama Announces All Cars to be Outfitted with GPS Devices 2008-12-10 Hillary Clinton Still Wishes to be President 2008-12-06 Obama Encourages Americans to Print Their Own Money 2008-12-05 Cure for All Known Illnesses Found; Banned 2008-12-02 Santa's Workshop Closes Its Doors 2008-12-01 75% of MySpace Users to be Arrested 2008-11-29 Body of Woman Found; Police Don't Care 2008-11-27 Medical Schools Lower Their Standards 2008-11-25 UFOs/Aliens Are Stealing Human Technology 2008-11-24 U.S. Government to Publish All Top Secret Files 2008-11-21 U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey Poisoned By His Own Words 2008-11-19 Astronaut Loses Handbag in Space 2008-11-18 Universe on Verge of Collapse; God Declares Bankruptcy 2008-11-14 Mormon LDS Church to Consider Allowing Masturbation 2008-11-13 Cassini-Huygens Mission Finds Intelligent Life on Saturn 2008-11-11 Doctors Encouraging Everyone to Take Statin Drugs Regardless of Risk 2008-11-09 Sarah Palin Endorses Alaska Toilet Seat Law 2008-11-07 Michelle Obama Discovers Dress Makes Her Look Fat 2008-11-05 McCain Loses Election; Vows Revenge 2008-10-31 Mormon LDS Church Now Supports Gay Marriage 2008-10-28 Provincetown Police Crack Down on Gays 2008-10-28 Otsuka Pharmaceutical Develops More Potent Placebo 2008-10-26 Sarah Palin Gives Up Everything to Become Stay-At-Home Mom 2008-10-24 McCain Volunteer Beats Self to a Pulp 2008-10-23 Sarah Palin Admits Romantic Feelings for Angela Merkel 2008-10-20 Joe the Plumber Endorses Ron Paul 2008-10-17 Pope Benedict XVI to Replace Crucifix With Happy Face 2008-10-14 15-Year Old Girl Arrested for being Nude 2008-10-11 Fitness and Nutrition Experts Don't Live Longer Than Anyone Else, According to Study 2008-10-09 75% of Mammals Not in Danger of Extinction, According to EPA 2008-10-05 Americans Now Fleeing to Mexico 2008-10-03 Apple, Inc Recalls All iPhones Due to Alzheimer's link 2008-09-28 Bristol Blames Mom Sarah Palin for Pregnancy 2008-09-27 All but Two Nebraska Children in State Care 2008-09-26 McCain Solves U.S. Financial Crisis 2008-09-23 Palin Blames Polar Bears for Global Warming 2008-09-19 John McCain Expresses Sexual Desire for Eva Longoria Parker 2008-09-19 U.S. Declares Bankruptcy; China Offers Bailout 2008-09-14 Americans Now Healthier Thanks to Tainted Drinking Water 2008-09-12 McCain Admits Sarah Palin's Baby Trig is his Love Child 2008-09-11 Large Hadron Collider Set to annihilate Earth; Solar System 2008-09-05 Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Abandons Family to Become President 2008-09-03 Mice and Rabbits Living Longer, Healthier Lives 2008-09-01 Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Claims Daughter's Pregnancy Immaculately Conceived 2008-08-30 Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Admits to Masturbating 2008-08-24 U.S. Military Funding Crystal Ball Research 2008-08-22 Homeland Security Vows Crackdown on Satire 2008-08-18 U.S. Military Funding Science of Mind Reading 2008-08-13 People Searching Google for Nude Pictures of Miley Cyrus 2008-08-10 Scientists say Massive Asteroid to Destroy Earth Tomorrow 2008-08-08 Osteen's Wife Claims She Was Just Fondling Flight Attendant's Breasts 2008-08-03 McCain Vows to Eliminate Privacy to Control Crime and Terrorism 2008-08-01 Marijuana Substitute May Have Been Found 2008-07-30 McCain has Vietnam Flashback 2008-07-30 Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Working at Car Wash 2008-07-26 McCain Concedes Election to Obama 2008-07-24 Miley Cyrus Sells Herself; Clothes 2008-07-19 Bush Announces His Plan to Combat Illegal Immigrants and Terrorists 2008-07-12 Ann Coulter admits to performing Fellatio on Liberal 2008-07-11 Homeland Security Targets Satire Writer 2008-07-04 All Baseball Players May be Indicted for Steroid Abuse 2008-07-01 McCain Outlines Medical Plan for the Wealthy 2008-06-28 Bush Claims Global Climate Change "good for business" 2008-06-27 Obama donates $25 to Clinton's debt relief 2008-06-22 New Vermont Law Declares all Nudists Must Wear Hats 2008-06-20 Alabama Woman Endorses John McCain 2008-06-15 City of Ventura, CA Finding Creative Ways to Make Money* 2008-06-13 Iraqi Soldier Imprisoned for Killing Puppy 2008-06-08 Senator John McCain denies suffering from Alzheimer's 2008-06-08 Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker, Halle Berry and Rosie O'Donnell reveal weight-lose secrets 2008-06-04 McCain Seeks to Repeal First Amendment 2008-05-31 Senator John McCain Plans to Eliminate Poverty